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Making an Ass out of U and Me

Yes, dear readers, I'm about to discuss some common assumptions I hear/encounter.

#1 "Since you only work daytime hours, you must go out at night a lot!"

Big sigh here.... No, I'm not a partying or socializing type. Even if I were, though, I just don't have the time.

My typical touring day ends between 7pm and 8pm.

If it's a night when I must travel to my next city, this means I shower, dress and pack up as quickly as possible to hit the road. A brief check in my email to see if anything requires my urgent attention, then I'm in my vehicle approximately 30 minutes after my last guest's departure.

Then I have a 2-3 hour drive ahead of me and somewhere along the way I would really like to have an evening meal lol.

So.... I leave at 7:30pm with an expected arrival time in my next city of around 10:00pm. Most days, my first date is no later than 8:00am. I'm not one to roll out of bed & immediately be ready to entertain, which means I set my alarm for at least 2 hours prior to that time.

(Yes, I'm typically fully coiffed and garbed in my trademark red cocktail dress even for early-morning dates!)

Let's look at this: I arrive around 10:00pm the night prior and have an 8:00am date the following morning, necessitating a wake-up time of no later than 6:00am.

I'm not a 20-something anymore so do you really think I'm hitting the bars/clubs and still greeting my morning callers on-time and with the energy & professionalism one expects? ;-P

"But Debra, you don't have to drive EVERY night... surely you go out to have fun when you're in town for a few days, riiiiight???"


Let's look at the logistics there: my in-town evenings most often end at 8:00pm. At this point, I'm usually starving for dinner. To be perfectly honest, more often than not I will try to have something delivered.

Panera Bread is my go-to and when delivery isn't available I'll opt to pick it up instead.

There are times when I'll try a local restaurant via GrubHub or a similar delivery service but I've wound up with many upset stomachs when taking chances on the unknown so I only do that once every few weeks, at the most.

My dinner order arrives between 8:30pm and 9:00pm, by which time I've showered, changed into something comfortable but decidedly UN-sexy and am answering email, editing ad copy, sending payments to ad sites, checking Twitter, etc etc etc.

As I've mentioned in a previous blog, I'm an introvert who's uncomfortable in social situations so going out to dinner on my own (where friendly people might attempt conversation, which terrifies me) isn't something I do very often at all. I certainly don't frequent hotel bars or similar establishments, as many have assumed I might.

No, when I tell people of the local restaurants I've tried, what I neglect to mention is that I typically order my meal to go.

Then I take it back to my hotel room to eat while I answer email & do all the boring admin stuff which keeps me in business. ;-)

So whether I've ordered-in or made a take-out run, I'm eating & working until around 9:30-10:00pm.

I need at least 6 hours sleep so if, as is often the case, I have a 7:00am date the following morning? I'm up no later than 5:00am so even if I WERE inclined to go hang out? Quite frankly, there just isn't enough time in the day.

#2 "You probably don't get a chance to leave your hotel room, do you?"

Despite what I've already shared above, this is also incorrect. How is this possible?

I go out to sight-see during the DAYTIME.

My schedule isn't packed with back-to-back appointments all day long, after all.

I have a limit as to how many people I will see each day, which often leaves me with a few hours here and there, allowing me to go explore, do some shopping, or just wander around a local park. I'm a fan of architecture and historical sites; I will even pick my hotel based on proximity to such points of interest.

Being an independent companion means the only person controlling my schedule is ME, so I might block off hours at a time to visit a site or two. ;-)

#3 "Since you're on the road all the time, you must not get to see your family and friends much."

No, I go home every weekend. I know, it might make more sense to keep travelling for weeks at a time but this doesn't suit me. I need to get home to my doggies & everything familiar for a couple nights each week. Occasionally, I stay over in a city for an extra day to visit with family or friends there, or even just to play tourist.... but then I return home for at least one night prior to getting back on the Touring Trail. LOL.

#4 "Oh you go to Vegas? That's gotta be crazy; do people really give you their names there?"

Ugh. Whenever someone mentions Sin City, I share my love of visiting there. I even specifically say, "oh I love to go there for fun", or "oh I was just there with friends" or something else to make it clear that I do NOT work in Vegas.

Yet, because I'm a companion and Vegas is.... well, VEGAS, that part doesn't get heard. The vast majority of gentlemen assume that I am there to work, or at the very least will "freestyle" to pick up a little extra cash here and there.

Let me say this as clearly as possible: I am a complete human being.

Not everything I do is linked to my profession.

It's not just that city, though. There are men to whom companions are solely one-dimensional creatures.

If I mention I'm going on a cruise, they'll chime in with "oh I bet you can make a LOT of $ on a cruise!.... how do the guys explain their absence to the wife/family??"

Seriously, it's happened.

People have said almost exactly that to me.

These are the times when I literally cannot roll my eyes enough to express my exasperation.

#5 "Dating must be difficult, right? Not many men would let you continue to be a companion....."

Huge groan here. Dating sucks, period, no matter what one does for a living. I've given up for the time being, but it has little to do with my work.

(I'm not even going to touch the "let you" part of that statement lol. )

Believe it or not, I've had relationships with men who were totally okay with what I do. They were naturally concerned for my safety, but there was no jealousy.

And YES, these men were employed.

There's another assumption: that any companion's significant other is really her pimp, or he doesn't work and instead sponges off her.

Now don't get me wrong: I'm fully aware that both happen, but this isn't always the case.

MOST companions I've known personally have been in long-term relationships with a fully independent partner.

#6 "I know you have an age minimum, and I'm much younger than that but very mature!"

Yes, many ladies with an age minimum do have that in place for maturity reasons.

That's not my reason, though. (Trust me, I've known plenty of immature 60-year-olds lol!)

Age is only a number? In some ways, yes.

However, if your age is closer to my children's than my own, it's a number which I cannot get past. It makes me extremely uncomfortable to be with someone in my children's age group. I simply cannot go there.

#7 "Well you get to relax when you're home....."

No. I don't have a housekeeper or an in-person PA to unpack for me, do my laundry, cook meals, re-pack my bags, run errands, or do my weekly admin updates.

Someone told me fairly recently that he used to travel for work just as much as I now do, but HE was able to keep on top of everything while maintaining an active social life at home.

"You need to be disciplined, that's all", he said.


I point-blank asked him if he handled all the household day-to-day stuff himself or if his wife helped out.

He replied with a chuckle, "well she did a lot of it but how much time can that really take?"

Sigh. Men. (yes, I'm rolling my eyes again lol)

He also admitted he didn't have to research & reserve hotels or rental cars, book his flights, etc.

Someone at work did that for him.

Well heck yes, travelling full-time is a snap when you have an assistant handling all the logistics plus a wife taking care of the homefront. LOL.

I have an assistant, but she doesn't make my travel arrangements for me. She also doesn't plan out my tours, deciding where I should visit when.

That's all on me.

Without a wife at home lol, I handle everything there solo too. So please don't presume to tell me I should be doing better at this.

Sigh.... I'm sure I'll have more myths to dispel another time but I'm done sharing (ranting) for now lol.

Please feel free to comment or ask follow-up questions here, on Twitter, or :-)

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