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The He-Said/She-Said Phenomenon

The following is something I posted on one of the message boards a few months ago.

Something that is very important to me, is the need for all of us to try to see things from the other person's point of view. In this little world, it is always a sad thing to me to see anyone jumping to conclusions about others based upon one person's word.

Even if you know him or her very well: you were not there and did not see exactly what happened between the 2 or more adults present.

So at the very least, we should all refrain from passing on these stories, because gossip rarely helps anyone. ;-)

Although I was unaware of such a thing prior to posting, another contributor mentioned that these are all examples of the "Rashomon Effect".

From Wikipedia "The Rashomon effect is contradictory interpretations of the same event by different people. The phrase derives from the film Rashomon, where the accounts of the witnesses, suspects, and victims of a rape and murder are all different."


Originally posted on March 4, 2016

In the P4P world, clients and providers often share their war-stories. Sometimes it's relayed during the course of exchanging references, as a warning issued from either client or provider about a particular person, and other times just through idle conversation and/or gossip. There have been occasions when I've heard/read BOTH the client and provider's version of events between the two. Sometimes I could almost swear these two people were talking about completely separate experiences as each one's perspective was so totally different from the other's. Here are a few common examples of these.... He said: I'd barely walked in the door when she immediately demanded the donation. She wouldn't even kiss me till I'd handed it to her to count it. That just started us off on the wrong foot and we never clicked. She said: My confirmation email to all clients instructs them to set down the donation on the dresser as soon as they enter my room. He was there for like ten minutes, showered and sitting on my bed yakking away like we're old friends while I'm wondering if he's ever gonna pay me. When he tried for a kiss, I gently reminded him about the envelope. He got all offended, stalked over to where he'd left his clothing and pulled the envelope out of his pants pocket, then slapped it down on the bed next to me.

I simply set it aside without another word but he stayed huffy for the rest of the date.

She said: He booked weeks in advance then sent countless emails back-and-forth, which I happily answered, and then he cancelled at the very last minute. I politely explained to him he owes me a cancellation fee since I could have booked someone else if he'd given me more warning.

My time is worth money, especially for all that hand-holding and conversation leading up to the day we were supposed to meet. He never emailed back and it's been a week now so I guess I spent all that time on him for nothing. He said: I was very excited and nervous to see this provider, as her rate is much higher than what I usually spend. After we exchanged a few emails to work out the details, a date was set. Then in the morning of the day I was going to meet her in the evening, I suddenly found out I had to go out of town for work, my flight leaving in just a couple of hours. I immediately contacted her to express my sincere regret that I wouldn't be able to keep my much-anticipated date with her and assured her I would reschedule just as soon as I returned.

This was more than 8 hours before we were supposed to meet. She sent a very terse reply, demanding her full fee!!

I was dumb-founded and didn't email her back; figured we could talk about it when I got back to town.

Instead, she starts sending me threatening emails every day, demanding I pay up. So I had to block her emails and now I'm afraid of what she'll do next.

She said: We had a great time together, good guy, no problems. He took a shower after we were done, got dressed and even put his coat on so I'm standing there thinking he's about to leave but then he sits back down and keeps talking like we've got all the time in the world!

Dude, your time was up five minutes ago! I try to be nice, but another five minutes go by so I walk to the door and put my hand on the knob to give him the hint.

Nope, he's still sitting there, chatting up a storm. So I say with a smile, "well, it's been great and I hope to see you again real soon but our time is up sweetie". He suddenly gets a nasty look on his face and says with a sneer "Ooooh, so you've got another appointment right away??

Well I guess I'd better leave before your next john gets here, huh?"

WTF man. Definitely going on my do-not-see list. He said: She was running late, then rushed me through the whole session!

When I tried to get a little pillow-talk, getting to know you time after, she shoved me out the door saying she had someone else on his way up.

She's definitely all about the money and I would not repeat. The point I'm trying to make is that we cannot take just anyone's version of events as fact. Personally, after knowing of multiple situations like these where there seems to be no obvious middle ground, I take both provider and client perspectives with a grain of salt. Just food for thought! xoxoxoxo

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